Lately

my life has not been going too well. It's filled with so much drama that is definately NOT NEEDED. For one, all I did was confront someone that I heard was talking behind my back and now he's not talking to me at all... seriously WHAT DID I DO?? I just want to ask him but I really don't want to cause anymore fuss, maybe I will when things die down a bit. And the second major issue is this whole relationship thing. I really don't know, and all people seem to do is ask about it, like its their life or something. I don't see why so many people are so nosey, it bothers me..

Tonight...

was amazing :D

There is this boy and I'm totally falling head over heals for him. He is the most amazing guy I think ever. He's is talented in more ways than one, he knows what he wants to do in life, and he's helping guide me in the right direction. In his car we both sat in the passenger seat and watched the stars threw his moon roof, it was truely the most amazing experience I've had. I was laying next to him in his arms. Tonight we also sat in his car and he taught me how not to say why, how not to question everything i do. He was teaching me this because I said I over think what to draw, so he taught me how not to over think it. He told me that I am an amazing drawer and I need to learn that so I can just draw, he really helped me. We also sang together, he is an amazing signer he has a few bands. My sister said we should sing together on stage one day, maybe I will if he wants to.

After our long car adventure (in a parking lot of the arcade where Vinny had his tournament) we went back to Kelsie's house. We laid in her bed, and I almost fell asleep in his arms, I seriously felt so comfortable there, like I belonged there and it was right, so right that I could just let go and just let everything happen. At the end of the night i kissed him goodbye, he said he was happy that happend, and so was I. This may be the beginning of a very long and happy relationship :D... so I hope...

What if..

i were to die tomorrow. This was the thought I have been pondering all day since art. It has been on my mind since art because I was telling my friend that my stomach problem has returned and he said I should get it checked because he knows stomach cancer runs in my family. But, honestly, I'm too scared to go to the doctor to get a check up. I've come to realize that people who go to the doctor and find out bad news don't get better, it always gets worse, at least that's how it was for everyone I knew. I need someone to help me through this, someone to go to the doctors with me and hold my hand. Someone to remind me that I'll be ok, even if the outcome says differently. I personally don't think anything is wrong with me, but recently I have been convinced differently.

I can't imagine a world without me, how would the people I see and talk to everyday of my life be effected? How would the people that know me be effected? Would many people miss me, or would they miss me for a while and soon forget me? There are many unanswered questions. I just hope that someone out there will always miss me, someone that truely cares about me.

Today..

as all the people passed by me at school I thought about what was going on in their lives. I thought if they were happy, whether they were sad, or maybe in love. I don't know why I thought this about everyone I passed, usually I only do it to a few. Maybe I was just curious, maybe I wanted to see the world through someone elses eyes, or maybe I was just a lonely girl seeing everyone around me that doesn't see me. Maybe some of the people were doing the same as I and looking deep into people or maybe they just didn't care. I have one weakness, some may consider it being caring, that I care about everything, I care how others feel and their feelings affect me so much. I also care what others think of me, I know I have made mistakes in my past and it kills me that people look at me differently for that. I don't like judgement, I think its cruel and no one should have to be judged, that is why I don't like to judge people. I always want to cry when people judge me, I never mean to lead people to judge me in a bad way, but sometimes it justs happens. I'm only human, and I'm not perfect, no one is, so everyone should be allowed many chances to make a real impression on others. Sometimes it takes a while for others to see the real side of people.

When will I fall...

into place..

I would like to know when everything in my life will seem so perfect.. even just for a moment.. that I think I have fallen into place perfectly.. like i belong. Belong to someone, belong somewhere. To love someone and have that love back. I look at some people and I'm so jelous that I dont have the happiness of being in love. I'm sure my time will come for that, but watching all of these people around me have it makes me want to go out and find it now. I believe in fate, and that everything happens for a reason, but lately everything that has been happening is not in my favor. The people who I could have found love in I have lost, and I think that is my fault. I have realized that I push people away when I get too attached, maybe I am scared that they will hurt me like everyone else has who I gave my love to.

i hope i will find someone soon....

This morning...

I actually woke up with a smile and I know why. He had texted me last night.. really late.. and by fate I was still up. Even though this talk was short he said a very sweet thing and it was that he missed me. And you know what?.. I do miss him too. He makes me smile, a smile which he likes, and he makes me happy and he makes me laugh, a lot :D. That is of course good. I'm just hoping my happiness isn't causing anyone else pain, if it is.. I will give up my happiness for them. I really don't like to see people hurt because of my actions. If I have to give this up it will hurt, a lot, but I'm sure I can always find happiness, and if I don't, it always has a way of finding me.

Today was most definately a new day..

This morning I awoke still bummed from last night.. I went throught the day just thinking why. It really bothered me.. I had thought I had found someone new. This took a weird turn when someone old came back into my life.. I thought I was over him.. and now I'm not sure. Although, I've got to say I'm definately falling for this new guy .. he is amazing and sweet... and different from others.. and that is definately what I like about him the most. I still don't know if this is going to go anywhere, this new interest. I talked to him for one night so far and that night was amazing.. I haven't talked to him since, and what's weird is I actually miss him, I barely know him. What can I say... i take chances

<3

The one thing...

If someone was to ask you what your favorite thing to do is, what would you say? Would you know what to say? Would you lie? Or would you tell the whole and complete truth? It is a pretty hard question to answer because there are so many choices. You can have a simple answer or an intricate one. I was asked this question last night and I had a simple answer.. my answer was to cuddle. My favorite thing in the whole world would be to just cuddle... to cuddle with the one that I care a lot about, and that cares for me. There is nothing more in the world that i would want more than to have that feeling, at that moment of cuddling, that someone in this world cares about me. Cares about me enough to sit and take time out of his life to hold me and just stay there with me.. thats all i want..

<3